You use a sharp knife to remove ranch dressing from your daughter’s favorite doll. It all started out so innocent enough. Sunday evening we were sitting on the couch watching Avatar The Last Airbender. Daddy was at work and the kitchen table had been taken over by my consignment sale tagging. Paige and I were sitting at the coffee table eating wings & cheese sticks. Don’t judge people, we’re talking Superbowl Sunday here. Even if we weren’t watching the game, we still had the food.
I’d stuffed myself with as many wings as I could eat. Paige was a bit slower and was still going on her wings. She had Baby All Gone sitting in her highchair between us. Paige had told me a couple of times that Baby All Gone was hungry too and only wanted Paige’s food. That should have set off warning bells, but it didn’t. I guess I was just too full of wings and concentrating on what Aang was going to do next on TV. I should have looked. After hearing Baby All Gone talk a couple of times, I looked over just in time to see Paige feed Baby All Gone ranch dressing. Paige loves ranch and had been happily dipping her wings into it, and I guess that’s all her baby wanted toeat as well. Ranch had started going down the babies mouth under the tongue. (The dolls tongue moves as part of the “eating” process.)
I had to explain to Paige that Baby All Gone can’t eat real people food. Then I told her to watch TV as I tried to get the ranch out of the doll. There’s only so much you can get with a napkin, and the more I pressed the dolls tongue, the more the dressing worked further back. I needed something to get in that small space. Luckily, being married to a chef means I have lots and lots of sharp knives in the kitchen. Yes, I used a sharp knife to remove ranch dressing from the baby dolls mouth. Paige kept trying to look, and I kept telling her to watch TV. I really didn’t feel like explaining to her why I was doing that, or stand with her hovering over me while I did it. I needed room and peace to work. I had to make sure I didn’t cut the doll. Here’s a photo reenactment of the removal process. Please imagine lots of white stuff in that space at the back and below the tongue.
Doesn’t that just look wrong? I thought so too. So here’s another angle!
I guess this one ranks up there with having to say things like “Cat’s don’t wear chapstick.” after catching Paige trying to put chapstick on the cat’s butt. And yes, I immediately threw away all of my chapstick.